Why Holiday Traditions Should Be Reimagined- Part 2

Written By Itoro E. Udofia

NOTE: This is Part 2 of a 2 Part Series. Review previous post for Part 1.

This holiday season there are ways to integrate God into your gratitude story.

On the way to the store for the third time for that missing ingredient, or while waiting for the dough to rise there is time. Grab a cup of cider or tea and breathe in. Revel in the experiences that made you stronger and wiser. Become aware of the abundant streams of grace that wash over you.

Storytelling is an ancient art form. Within the biblical context it’s a form of teaching that we were commanded to do to preserve significant values communicated by God. (Deuteronomy 6:7, Deuteronomy 11)

Share your story.

How you share matters:

-Consider your audience. Share what is age appropriate and relevant.

-Seek to remain informal and carry a conversational tone.

-Provide an overview, highlight key points, and remain vulnerable.

-Focus on the character attributes of God and highlight the main lesson.

-Parallel your story to a similar story in the bible.

-Seek feedback on how the story impacted your listener.

-Create room for questions and space to listen. Perhaps your listener has a story of their own to share.

Build new traditions. Reimagine old traditions.

Break bread. Try a new recipe, one that highlights your cultural heritage and celebrates the diversity of those you’ll commune with.

Go to the kid table and engage with children in a new way. While feasting, playing games or shopping use your words. Share your story. Be the one to orchestrate change, allow your holiday traditions to be reimagined. 

Why Holiday Traditions Should Be Reimagined- Part 1

Written By Itoro E. Udofia

 Traditions within a family are powerful threads that hold all things together. Defined as an “inherited, established, or customary pattern of thought, action or behavior.” Tradition is also the “handing down of information, beliefs and customs by word of mouth or by example from one generation to another without written instruction.” (Merriam-Webster)

The key element, the area of focus is that there is always an opportunity to write something extraordinary on the pages of history when we gather.

Thanksgiving is a national holiday. For some it’s one that harbors complex emotional experiences. A celebration birthed on the backs of a traumatic past. For others, it’s merely a time to connect with those most cherished and highly regarded…family. Wherever you find yourself on the spectrum this remains true, there can be redemptive qualities that pierce through the shadows and shine bright leaving a pathway for the next generation. Hope remains. The key element, the area of focus is that there is always an opportunity to write something extraordinary on the pages of history when we gather.

You may find yourself going through the motions for the sake of tradition. Observe your interactions. Be a cultural archivist. Ask yourself, how long has this tradition been in existence? When did it start and what are the underlying themes or values expressed? Upon reflecting exercise your liberty to curate something new.

Why should holiday traditions be reimagined? Only to make room for the expression of holy moments that remain dormant and lie just below the surface.

A common practice is to gather around a table, with joined hands and open hearts. Within a few minutes young and old express gratitude for various high points throughout the year. Some brave souls are willing to divulge challenges experienced while others share what’s safe and familiar. Gratitude for basic needs like health, shelter and food are endearing and welcome. But perhaps there’s more. Following a global pandemic and uncertain times there must be room for more. Space for vulnerability to sing its song, harmonizing with the chorus of personal growth and rising on the bridge of spiritual awakening.

More than being grateful for a circumstance or outcome, the challenge is to express in greater measure the capacity for whom you are grateful. As a person of faith, the “whom” is Jesus Christ. An invitation to use your words and highlight the attributes of God that point to Him as the source of needs met. Along with combing through recipes and gathering necessary ingredients for your traditional meals this holiday season, find ways to integrate God into your gratitude story.

Wisdom From Mothers Before Us - Naomi

Wisdom From Mothers Before Us #WFMB-02

Name: Naomi Quijano       

 Age: 33

 Location: Los Alamitos, CA

 Number of children & ages:

Milo Bourbon Quijano age 7         

Luna Monroe Quijano age 2

Rhema Glory Quijano age 2 months

What are three things you value as a woman?

(1) Self-care (Sabbath) (2) Community (3) Vulnerability

How has the woman you were while single impacted who you are as a mother?

The woman I was while single was definitely independent and strong. As a mother, it has helped me to impart strength, independence and confidence in my children. I have an awareness to the vital attributes I want my kids to carry. Also, I realized when I was single just how selfish I was with my time, finances, and resources. My single season has assisted me in becoming aware of the importance of generosity.

How has your past family dynamic impacted who you are today?

I grew up with a very emotionally absent father and a mother who worked three jobs. One of the main reasons I fell in love with my husband was because of his emotional awareness and sensitivity. He has always been very present and protective. Both of our work ethics are strong and our children see that we both value hard work, family time, and structure. Growing up, I’ve always had a very close relationship with my mom and our family has always been involved.

What traditions did you experience growing up that you are passing on/ would like to pass on to your family?

Traditions I experienced were family dinners with conversations and no devices. Birthday cake and ice cream with all of our family no matter what age; and Church service together for Mothers day, Fathers day, Christmas and New Years. The traditions we passed on are family breakfasts on Saturdays and church together for weekends.

What was your career path before you were a mother? How has motherhood impacted/enhanced your career journey?

I was already in ministry at a very young age and motherhood has enhanced in me a capacity for compassion, understanding, and encouragement. I’ve seen just how diverse each child is and I am able to have a full understanding of perspective, teaching/learning, and insane multitasking.

What are some expectations you had about motherhood?

I had expected to open a new range of emotions, shifting perspectives, and a new level of understanding intimacy.

Knowing what you know now is there something you would have done differently to prepare for motherhood?

I would’ve asked more questions to older mothers and submerged myself in a mom community prior to having kids.

Share one way your community has impacted you while transitioning as a new mom?

They have supported me emotionally, physically and mentally. My mom community has championed me in every season of motherhood, helped impart wisdom and support, prayer and grace when I need it. They have been the anchor in my season of motherhood.

What makes you most fulfilled in your role as a mother?

When my child desires to spend time with me and have my undivided attention. I love the curiosity when kids ask me questions. The safety they feel when they show emotion or concern with me.

Your advice for women who are single/married without children would be?

If you’re single without children, connect yourself to a healthy community of women and moms if you desire children. Do not see your current season of singleness as lacking something. Take the time to grow in your spiritual disciplines. Savor your time, sleep, and see joy in the season of it just being you.

If you’re married without children establish your foundation of prayer with your spouse. Be sensitive to your spouses expectations of a life with kids. Ensure you know each others expectations of when you do have kids. See the season without kids as an investment in your future. Seek accountability and understand that emotional and mental health need to be a priority.

Photo Credit: Psalms Thirty Four

Identity Rooted In Places Unseen

Identity Rooted In Places Unseen

Poem By: Itoro E. Udofia

SINGLE. And waiting to be chosen. Preparing for marriage. Yielding to purpose. Navigating career. Gaining strength from knowing self. Looking deep and standing firm. Drawing close and seeing far. Moving in truth. Identity rooted in places unseen.

MARRIED.  And wondering about when. Preparing for future children. Two lives becoming one. Building up and stretching wide. Making room and holding on. Creating home from values shared. Love on display.  Identity rooted in places unseen.

PREGNANT. And welcoming the unknown. Preparing for the role of mother. Holding space and keeping heart. Dreams awakened. Wisdom imparted. Shape the soul of future generations. Embracing community. Identity rooted in places unseen.

Wisdom From Mothers Before Us

Wisdom From Mothers Before Us- Angela #WFMBU-01

Name: Angela Barker   

 Age: 34

Location: City/ State/ Country : Anaheim, CA (USA)

Number of children & ages: One 3 year old & currently 5 months pregnant

 What are three things you value as a woman?

Authentic connection with others, knowing God and integrity

How has the woman you were before children or single impacted who you are as a mother?

Working with children most of my life as a single woman, has shaped me in many ways to see how important listening is and valuing kids of all ages. They are gifts and they bring a lot of joy in life. I try to slow down and experience my son’s voice and that joy everyday.

How has your past family dynamic impacted who you are today?

There is a healthy fear in the back of my mind to “not do what my parents did” in several ways. I’m sure many people experience this. When the negative aspects of my upbringing start to come out of me by default, I am disciplining myself to step back and assess. If I need an outside perspective, I will seek out others I admire for guidance. Perfectionism is probably the most difficult thing and that is hard for me to spot. God’s grace is my best teacher.

What traditions did you experience growing up that you are passing on/ would like to pass on to your family?

Healthy eating habits, eating together without electronics and just talking, playing as a family, reading at bedtime, going to church, emphasis on outdoor activities, gratefulness.

What was your career path before you were a mother? How has motherhood impacted/enhanced your career journey?

This is still a journey but I originally wanted to act on stage and be in film then I ventured more into teaching the arts to children. I’ve been able to direct after school programming as well. Now my focus has shifted and my first concern is raising my child and giving him my best. I am not clear on how career will play into it all but the pressure for women to be able to do “it all” is not something I champion. It is “enough” to raise a family and be an influence in my community. There is a time for everything and I believe my time is best spent with my kids right now as they are very young. TBD!

What are some expectations you had about motherhood?

Honestly, when I was single and just married, I really didn’t imagine motherhood much. I’ve always wanted kids, even to adopt, but I never really pictured what I would be like as a mom or how it would change my life. It was one of those mysteries to me.

Knowing what you know now is there something you would have done differently to prepare for motherhood?

Absolutely! Hindsight is 20/20 right? Better financial planning and career planning. For us, it was not that our son is so expensive to take care of because we were given SO much from friends and family. But we had added stress on our marriage because of preexisting financial challenges/differing points of view that made things all the more difficult. Defining roles better with my spouse and being clear on responsibilities when it comes to caring for the baby and chores around the house. It would have been helpful to know some of the pitfalls of new parents to curb the impact a bit. It’s going to be a major shift no matter what but like any big change, a little preparation can go a long way.

Share one way your community has impacted you while transitioning as a new mom?

Oh my goodness! Generosity and love of others is just remarkable. I have only purchased one outfit for my child and he is 3 now! Our church family, relatives and neighbors have embraced our son so wonderfully. Our neighborhood is mostly to themselves and it has been isolating in many regards. So there is this dichotomy. It is important to have community and reach out to people for help, even if it feels weird.

What makes you most fulfilled in your role as a mother?

Being able to serve and teach my kids. Also having that knowing that my children trust me to be there and to be on their side no matter what.

Your advice for women who are single/married without children would be?

Whatever you aspire to be or do, get around people that exemplify this for you. Be humble enough to ask lots of questions and enjoy the wow that is now! Put your trust in God. He really has always had my back, especially when hopes don’t line up with reality. I can’t stress that enough because Jesus has been my anchor and made me dream high.

A House Is Made

A house is made with walls and beams; a home is built with love and dreams.” - Ralph Waldo Emerson

Liberty Is Available

Liberty is available

The question isn’t whether you have access to it. Rather what choices will be made to honor the freedom’s available to you?

“Now the Lord is the Spirit and where the Spirit of the Lord is, there is freedom.”

-2 Corinthians 2:17

Storytelling To Capture A Spiritual Legacy

Make monuments in your life. In the old testament people were told to build monuments as reminders of a certain experience. This was done to capture a moment in time. Others after them, were dependent on these stories.

Who will be depending on you? We walk through life and collect experiences. Are we aware of how much these experiences matter? Seek out the opportunities around you. There is treasure there. Look for it.

Some things to think about while uncovering the monuments in your life…

What is the story?

Reflect on how you are framing things for others and yourself.

Who does the story point to?

Focus on God, His characteristics or kingdom principles that can be highlighted.

How can the story live on?

Write it down. Keep the story before you and choose to inspire others by giving it a voice.

MOTHER MAYBE - A Space For Single And Married Women Without Children

A place exists for those women who enter the role of motherhood. Community with arms open to receive another who has been chosen to carry life. The transition from navigating the path of one with specific ambitions and dreams is interrupted with the opportunity to change course, to accommodate another. This experience is often welcomed by women who hold the ability to shape and nurture those in their care.

What some consider common, the becoming of a mother is much more layered and involved. The intricacies of starting a family are numerous. The woman who begins this journey has great influence. There is beauty in becoming whole. In knowing how to prepare yourself for what’s to come. To surrender and yield to the unknown.

Far too long the season of motherhood has been simplified to embrace those with child. Questions surround those in waiting. The when’s and how’s and why’s. Some questions go unanswered. Many answers require time to unfold.

Single and married women without children, a new space has been created just for you.

MOTHER MAYBE. This is your community.

Many choices remain on the horizon. Each woman must decide for herself. What will you choose?

You Must Do The Thing You Think You Cannot Do