Wisdom From Mothers Before Us- Angela #WFMBU-01
Name: Angela Barker
Age: 34
Location: City/ State/ Country : Anaheim, CA (USA)
Number of children & ages: One 3 year old & currently 5 months pregnant
What are three things you value as a woman?
Authentic connection with others, knowing God and integrity
How has the woman you were before children or single impacted who you are as a mother?
Working with children most of my life as a single woman, has shaped me in many ways to see how important listening is and valuing kids of all ages. They are gifts and they bring a lot of joy in life. I try to slow down and experience my son’s voice and that joy everyday.
How has your past family dynamic impacted who you are today?
There is a healthy fear in the back of my mind to “not do what my parents did” in several ways. I’m sure many people experience this. When the negative aspects of my upbringing start to come out of me by default, I am disciplining myself to step back and assess. If I need an outside perspective, I will seek out others I admire for guidance. Perfectionism is probably the most difficult thing and that is hard for me to spot. God’s grace is my best teacher.
What traditions did you experience growing up that you are passing on/ would like to pass on to your family?
Healthy eating habits, eating together without electronics and just talking, playing as a family, reading at bedtime, going to church, emphasis on outdoor activities, gratefulness.
What was your career path before you were a mother? How has motherhood impacted/enhanced your career journey?
This is still a journey but I originally wanted to act on stage and be in film then I ventured more into teaching the arts to children. I’ve been able to direct after school programming as well. Now my focus has shifted and my first concern is raising my child and giving him my best. I am not clear on how career will play into it all but the pressure for women to be able to do “it all” is not something I champion. It is “enough” to raise a family and be an influence in my community. There is a time for everything and I believe my time is best spent with my kids right now as they are very young. TBD!
What are some expectations you had about motherhood?
Honestly, when I was single and just married, I really didn’t imagine motherhood much. I’ve always wanted kids, even to adopt, but I never really pictured what I would be like as a mom or how it would change my life. It was one of those mysteries to me.
Knowing what you know now is there something you would have done differently to prepare for motherhood?
Absolutely! Hindsight is 20/20 right? Better financial planning and career planning. For us, it was not that our son is so expensive to take care of because we were given SO much from friends and family. But we had added stress on our marriage because of preexisting financial challenges/differing points of view that made things all the more difficult. Defining roles better with my spouse and being clear on responsibilities when it comes to caring for the baby and chores around the house. It would have been helpful to know some of the pitfalls of new parents to curb the impact a bit. It’s going to be a major shift no matter what but like any big change, a little preparation can go a long way.
Share one way your community has impacted you while transitioning as a new mom?
Oh my goodness! Generosity and love of others is just remarkable. I have only purchased one outfit for my child and he is 3 now! Our church family, relatives and neighbors have embraced our son so wonderfully. Our neighborhood is mostly to themselves and it has been isolating in many regards. So there is this dichotomy. It is important to have community and reach out to people for help, even if it feels weird.
What makes you most fulfilled in your role as a mother?
Being able to serve and teach my kids. Also having that knowing that my children trust me to be there and to be on their side no matter what.
Your advice for women who are single/married without children would be?
Whatever you aspire to be or do, get around people that exemplify this for you. Be humble enough to ask lots of questions and enjoy the wow that is now! Put your trust in God. He really has always had my back, especially when hopes don’t line up with reality. I can’t stress that enough because Jesus has been my anchor and made me dream high.